What authority?

The saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having unhindered way."
Chambers

By what authority do I write these things? I asked the Lord the other day. I cannot see how I, a child who has not suffered, a child with little experience of the world... could speak with such confidence. By the world, this wisdom is "way beyond me" as I've been told. I don't deny that I speak a wisdom beyond my age (and experience), but what if I say that "These words are not my own"? These words I speak are not my wisdom at all.

I mentioned in a recent post that I felt very protected as a child, meaning I had a beautiful and full childhood. I was allowed this, not because my father sheltered me or kept me away from experiencing the world out of fear that I would be hurt, but because my Father surrounded me with light out of love, and shaped me according to His plan for my life. An example of this is found in my recent discovery of the darknesses that have hung over my family. Until I was 12 years old, I lived in oblivion, the lightness and playfulness of my imagination, with an awareness of the gentle hand of a Heavenly Being constantly covering me and gifting me. When I reached that age, things were gradually revealed to me. The darkness was slowly brought to the light, but I was still unaffected by it. Secrets were revealed gently, and minimal tears were cried.

I compare this experience to that of my siblings and peers, and recognize a very strange contrast. I can still hardly understand it. I look at their lives and ask "Why isn't there the same pervasive joy and light that I feel and see in every aspect of my life?" The difficulties in being this "sheltered child" are subtle. The main difficulty is being looked down upon because I have not suffered.... and therefore have not experienced.

Of course that is a lie, but it has been unconsciously told to me. Because I have not experienced pain, endured it, grown from it, etc. I don't have the wisdom or merit because there is no experience to stand upon? I call BS.

I've been wrestling with this a lot lately. I keep this blog, and speak my mind with confidence. I live in the peace of God, in childlikeness, standing and resting upon the truth that he sees me as righteous. This does not mean that I have authority, or am righteous in myself. It does not mean that I have ANYTHING to boast in. I am alive because of Christ and Christ alone.

I am a finite vessel, used for common or noble purposes... I cannot say for sure. But I am a vessel. This means that when the Lord fills me to the brim I begin to overflow. I have a need to write these things.
But if I say, “I will not mention his word
or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah20:9

My favorite passages in the entire bible are John 14 and 15, when Christ speaks to his disciples about being one with the Father and remaining in Him. "Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."
I like this particular passage because it affirms to me that I have no authority to boast in, or merit to stand upon. I am simply a vessel, a very beloved one. Being a child of God, accepting his gifts and REMAINING IN HIM is all that is asked of me. "Then we will bear much fruit--fruit that will last."

When I asked Him by what authority I speak, He said "I praise the Father in Heaven, because He has revealed these things to the little children."
Blessed are the little children, He said, who have experienced very little, who have not lived enough to be hurt, are always faithful, humble, and in need of a protector.

I cannot keep my personality from coming through on this blog, and I have been wary and a little fearful that I would make impressions of myself... But I can remain confident that I lack any and all authority or merit to claim that these words I speak are true. I can only trust that the authority is the Father's, and the reason I am heard is because He speaks.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah55:10-11