In this Summer life, God is..

PROVIDER

Initially moving up north to live with Allison was an inconvenience, but the little inconveniences have become great blessings when put up against His abundant provision. My friend John gave me an orca card (public transit pass) with enough balance to pay for bus fares for the rest of the summer. Now I don't worry about being stranded anywhere. I'm also not lacking in access to the gems of Seattle parks and recreation because now I have a bike (two actually).

Getting around isn't hard. From Greenlake, it's ten blocks in any direction to find a shopping center or coffee shop. It's 5 miles in either direction to the closest CrossFit Boxes. I've been visiting around on my days off. (It's fun how I can say now that I'm from Jet City CrossFit and people will say "that's awesome!" instead of "where the hell is that?") I'm getting people to show up at Jet City for a throwdown on Friday. It pays to get around and be social.

One special connection is Scott Rodriguez who owns Stoneway CrossFit by SPU. Bethany met Scott at her Level 1 Cert and they hit it off well. I didn't know him well, but heard he was a cool dude. When I started going to Mars Hill in Belltown, I got connected with a community group led by Jeremy Herring. Jeremy knows Scott through Corey McGee (Scott's business partner at the start of SWCF). They both go to Mars Hill in Ballard. It gets better. Joe (Allison's husband), who is a pastor at Bethany Community Church by Greenlake, goes to SWCF. You can imagine my delight at coming to find this connection. What is that? Three degrees of separation?

It makes me feel solidly integrated and welcomed BY GOD when I see that He has established community for me even long before I had to transit into the new living circumstances.

ADVENTURER

I set my feet outside my door on the sunny weekends and I ask Him to take me somewhere. There is an itching to get out of the house and find something new, something exciting, something grand.

One Saturday after work I ended up in Fremont because a homeless man I prayed for in downtown told me to go there to "fellowship, because people need me." It happened to be the Solstice Festival/Naked Parade that day. I hugged a creepy drunk guy clad in bright colors and bought bacon socks with Allison. It was a day of blessings. I kept my head up and heart open to where the Lord wanted me to minister.

One day I rode my bike to the University Village and enjoyed the ambiance with a chai latte, and journaled.

I rode to the U district for a prayer meeting about the abolition of modern day slavery, human trafficking, and prostitution, an issue that many of my Christian friends contend for. I found the meeting adventurous in itself as God revealed his broken heart to the saints and Holy Spirit showed up to lead us in unity and intercession. I left joyful, not despairing-- trusting that God is sovereign and relentless and hears the prayers of his saints.

I hunger for people watching and go to Greenlake to sit on the grass. I watch the crazy Seattle-clouds-dancing-with-sun sky reflect off the water and shimmer in the waves. People run, power-walk, bike, and skate by. Each so unique-- God teaches me a lesson in appreciating the beauty of variety.

I'm at the gym four days a week now, mornings and afternoons. We added an Olympic Lifting class twice a week. I've received great reviews about this class from clients. It is my favorite to teach, as we do less heavy work and lots of technical pvc work, mobility, and midline stability. We've spent several weeks with just pvc and barbell, and will spend several more. It feels good to start people from basics, and not be rushed or feel pressure to put heavy weight overhead (We have a Max for the Day session on Saturdays for this very purpose). The class favors the regular attender. I say it is just as much thinking as moving, but not to say it won't "kick your ass."

The hour commute is adventurous. I ride a creepy bus, but in general riding the bus is no longer daunting; the city feels accessible... not scary for once.

ROMANCER

My God is a wild lover.

I'm finishing reading a book called the Sacred Romance, which tells the story of our hearts and God's heart. It elaborates on our call to adventure and romance, how we each hunger and hope deep down for this kind of life. But alas, because of the Arrows of life, and Satan's schemes, we repress this desire and move into a life of quenched love and dead religiosity.

All the hurt we experience is part of God's design to win our hearts. We come to judge God because of the Arrows, but fail to recognize his Sovereignty over it all.

Would we rather live lives of quietness and routine than surrender to the tumultuous adventurousness of our lover's pursuits?

I am captivated.
"I am my beloved's and His desire is for me."

made to love

One of my favorites to dance to.

Awaken to the Wildness of God's Love

Diary of an Old Soul

'Tis hard for us to rouse our spirits up--
It is the human creative agony
Though but to hold the heart an empty cup
Or tighten on the team the rigid reign.
Many will rather lie among the slain
Than creep through narrow ways the light to gain--
Than wake the will and be born bitterly.

But we who would be born again indeed
Must wake our souls unnumbered times a day
And urge ourselves to live with holy greed
Now open our bosoms to the wind's free play,
And now, with patience forceful, hard, lie still
Submiss and ready to the making will,
Athirst and empty, for God's breath to fill.

George MacDonald

Batter my Heart

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breath, shine, and seek to mend
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new,
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labor to admit you but, oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend;
But is captive and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you and would be love fain;
But I am betrothed unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

John Donne

If you write for God you will reach many men and bring them joy.
If you write for men--you make some money and you may give someone a little joy and you may make some noise in the world, for a little while.
If you write only for yourself you can read what you yourself have written and after ten minutes you will be so disgusted you will wish that you were dead.

Thomas Merton

6 weeks...

Left In Seattle.

My beautiful city. So busy, so full, always on the move...
The dust has settled since my move up north, and I'm able to breath a little and sink into my routine. Mornings are spent at the gym in Georgetown, nights are spent relaxing at Greenlake. I have lots of coffee dates scheduled this summer with friends, old and new. I'm so refreshed and not bereft of fellowship or nurture.

What this summer holds is not set in stone. I thrive on the spontaneity of God's blessing. I feel like I'm resting in that special place where I can receive and give freely. I am bright and powerful in His love. I am continually provided for in supernatural ways (i.e. finding random dollar bills on the bus to pay for my next fare, etc). Those who have provided for me in the past are distant, and I am learning to say confidently "The Lord is my helper; I shall not fear."

Until the CrossFit Games.

Yes. Not set in stone, I'm reminded. I make plans... and God laughs, it seems. He has better things for me. He draws me nearer to him... and with the things that have tired me out at that! I had planned to withdraw from CrossFit toward the end of the summer, to compete at regionals and then be done. Decompress. Refresh. Withdraw.

Clearly He had other plans. Not only am I diving deeper into community with my CrossFit family, I'm drawing nearer to the Lord in it. I'm receiving my Father's approval and honor, coming out of a time of dryness into a place of abundance and love. He draws us nearer to one another and, I hope, nearer to him.

The CrossFit Games. It's a crazy thought. I hadn't expected to go back until after college at least. I didn't want to compete individually this year because there is already so much on my plate going off to college and all. The team, though, is no problem. Regionals was simply one workout a day, then party/bbq at camp. ("Camp" was made up of 2 RVs, and a trailer full of toys--- mini bikes, bicycles, stereo system, bean-bags games, movie projector--- meat and fun. That was the focus.



There was plenty of meat and plenty of fun. But there was also victory, honor, and fame in store for our "Little Gym that Could." JET CITY CROSSIT, the gym of less than 40 members, put out an EXTRAORDINARY performance, placing third. The CF Games website made it sound like I led team. But really it was Andrew Gray, our Captain Mastermind and Strategist, who led us to victory. I cannot say enough good things about my teammates, my gym, and the experience


Until I'm 18 years on earth.

It is that time of my life. The time of which others have said is "the most influential of their lives." I'm inspired to savor. I think of how the eagle learns to fly. Mama bird shoves him out of the nest and he falls falls falls. She catches him moments before he hits and places him again in safety. The next day: shove-fall-catch-replace. Repeat. Until the little one learns to spread his wings and let the wind take him up. That's what it feels like to be almost eighteen, going off to college soon, having my own bank account, traveling on my own.... I know the wings are there, somewhere. Right now I'm falling... and trusting that Mama Bird won't let me hit the ground.

Until moving to Annapolis.

I posted on facebook that I have 6 more weeks left till moving. The people who liked it are in Annapolis. The people who disliked it are in Seattle. It's good to know that I am well loved where ever I am, and missed wherever I'm not.

In the meantime, I'll savor.

45:1 My heart overflows with a pleasing theme;
I address my verses to the king;
my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe.

2 You are the most handsome of the sons of men;
grace is poured upon your lips;
therefore God has blessed you forever.
3 Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one,
in your splendor and majesty!

4 In your majesty ride out victoriously
for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
let your right hand teach you awesome deeds!
5 Your arrows are sharp
in the heart of the king's enemies;
the peoples fall under you.

6 Your throne, O God, is forever and ever.
The scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness;
7 you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness.
Therefore God, your God, has anointed you
with the oil of gladness beyond your companions;
8 your robes are all fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia.
From ivory palaces stringed instruments make you glad;
9 daughters of kings are among your ladies of honor;
at your right hand stands the queen in gold of Ophir.

10 Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father's house,
11 and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him.
12 The people of Tyre will seek your favor with gifts,
the richest of the people.

13 All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold.
14 In many-colored robes she is led to the king,
with her virgin companions following behind her.
15 With joy and gladness they are led along
as they enter the palace of the king.

16 In place of your fathers shall be your sons;
you will make them princes in all the earth.
17 I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations;
therefore nations will praise you forever and ever.

Oh, and this

Inversnaid

THIS darksome burn, horseback brown,

His rollrock highroad roaring down,

In coop and in comb the fleece of his foam

Flutes and low to the lake falls home.

A windpuff-bonnet of fawn-froth

Turns and twindles over the broth

Of a pool so pitchblack, fell-frowning,

It rounds and rounds Despair to drowning.

Degged with dew, dappled with dew,

Are the groins of the braes that the brook treads through,

Wiry heathpacks, flitches of fern,

And the beadbonny ash that sits over the burn.

What would the world be, once bereft

Of wet and wildness? Let them be left,

O let them be left, wildness and wet;

Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet.

God's Grandeur

While I was in Annapolis, my beautiful friend Christina Raines recited this verse to me while we snuggled on the couch at 21 East St. I have fallen in love with it.

God's Grandeur

by Gerard Manley Hopkins

THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;	5
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;	10
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

In short

I apologize for my lack of updates recently. I've been on a wild variety of adventures lately. Now that it is past, I don't know if I could do justice to my recent trip to the east coast. I know, I promised to blog while I was there, but the "living" part of living life was just too sweet to waste my time on a computer. So, I'm sorry.

The last month in short:

I've experienced wonderful and deep healing in my inner being. I'm enrolled at SJC. I've been asked out on my first date. I moved in and will be living with a wonderful friend and mentor for the summer. I have more Christian friends now--more people to talk to, confide in, confess to, and cry with--than I've ever had. I have an abundance of truth and prophecy to rest in, which makes my future more full than it's ever been. I have a healthy and strong body, ready to rock the CrossFit regional with my team next week. Daniel and Acacia are married. Chaurel are going to Brazil this summer. Stefan is sprouting into a man, and doing an internship to learn to sail. Aimee is more than ever dependent on God, and as beautiful as ever. My feet have more reasons to dance now, and these lips never cease to pray and sing praise to God.

Overall the last month has probably been the best of my life, with the exception of coming back to Seattle. Don't get me wrong; I love Seattle, but it's just hard to be home when it doesn't feel like home. By God's grace I will enjoy the sun this summer.

Of all the 17 and 18-year-olds getting ready to go to college this summer, I call myself the most fortunate.

Firstly, I know exactly what I'm doing for the next four years of my life.

Many rising freshman still haven't picked their major and couldn't tell you their course of study. I, on the other hand, am privileged to be attending a college where I can't even choose my major! I could tell you exactly which books I will be reading and when. I might even be able to tell you what ideas I will be exploring during the last week of the first semester... (plato's symposium, and the nature of love... most likely.)



I know many of my future peers (at least in the classes above me). While I was visiting last month I had the opportunity to go on a night hike with several rising sophomores. Having just finished their freshman year they offered much-needed and appreciated social and academic advice, such as "don't expect to be best friends with everyone." Of course, that would be something that I would try to do. Anyway, I am well-known (famous? or infamous?) and socially integrated at the college.



I have a job when I arrive. (unofficially) Because Acacia graduated, I will be inheriting her job as CrossFit facilitator in Temple Iglehart (the college gym, where you have to remove your outdoor shoes before passing the threshold. Ha.) I'm also hoping to advertise myself as a personal trainer in the wider Annapolis community.



I am going to a city that I love. Annapolis is beautiful. Historic. Brick. Boats. Small. I will probably know everybody (for better or worse). It has real seasons. Like, it actually snows in the winter and gets really hot and humid in summer. Though not many people like it for its lack of variety of culture, I am confident that it is where God wants me to be while I grow into adulthood. It is quaint, but not far from big city DC.






I will be received by a church that knows and loves me well. My Downtown Hope family is excited to have me as part of the community. They have ministered to my family and been part of their healing, and are eager to be part of my growth as well. I cannot wait to be part of the what God is doing in his Bride.


God has orchestrated all things to put me right where I belong, and set up a great cushion for me to land on as I am pushed out of my nest.

"Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:

forget your people and your father's house,

and the king will desire your beauty.

Since he is your lord, bow to him."

Psalm 45:10-11