I had an amazing bonding time with Stefan yesterday. He's almost a different person now, but still has the same silly inquisitiveness, loveliness, and intelligence that I recognize from a year ago. It's just a little more controlled and grown up now. I used to take it for granted that we speak the same love language, now I really cherish and appreciate it. He's always touching, punching, tackling, bumping, biting, hugging. Ha ha.
There are lots of good things going on in my family, healing, forgiveness, change. We all seem to be going through it differently, and at different levels. But I do know it is happening, and that is encouraging.
I can hardly believe how big he is. When he came to the gym after getting picked up at the airport, I gave him a big hug and had to raise up on my tip-toes to get my chin over his shoulder. Weird. While I was teaching I'd catch him in my peripheral vision and double take. Who is this strange person in my gym? Little brother.... uh yeah. Though, I don't care if he is six feet tall, he'll never stop being my little brother.
I am officially the smallest sibling... again.
Yesterday Stefan and I spent some hard-core quality time together.
Snuggling on the couch, reading the Fellowship of the Ring out loud.
Eating shawarma from the Hallava Falafel Trailer with CrossFit peeps.
Going downtown with Bethany and the little blond angel and walk around the Pacific Place mall.
Lululemon.
Classic Toy Store with real windup toys.
Bethany drops us off at the theater where we watch Inception (freaking trip, best Christopher Nolan yet).
Hanging out in Starbucks a little.
We get sucked into Barnes & Noble against our will, where I get high off the smell of books.
I buy Paradise Lost, and Le Comte de Monte Cristo.
We walk to Bethany's house to chill, help her clean her house and make dinner.
Some more out loud reading of Lord of the Rings.
Stefan takes me through his facebook friends, telling me one interesting thing about each of them.
We pray together and talk about good things.
I've missed him.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
OhmygoodnessI'mgoingtoschool!
"Why, I wondered, could so many in our own country not see what these Iraqis saw, that the way through these difficult times is to embrace an education that frees the students to imagine a world in which they are capable of intelligent self-rule but also prepared to make their way in a world of uncertainty and change, a world that will respect independent, thinking souls who are flexible enough and self-sufficient enough to find their way happily through the day’s vicissitudes? Why could so many here not see the need to struggle with the big questions: Who am I? What kind of world do I live in, and what is my place in it? What am I meant to do with my life? After all, these are big questions because they concern the whole of the human experience.
The world will always drive us to specializations and to careers that are highly focused on just a part of the human experience. Better to join that world, prepared with an education that allows us to have some idea of the whole project we call humanity. Unless we understand what it means to be human, unless we can get a glimpse of the whole of the human question before studying one or two of its parts, we can never confront for ourselves freely and intelligently the question how to live our lives well, how to live lives that belong to each of us. To do this we need to have some understanding of our physical world, the chemistry and behavior of living things, the forces affecting non-living bodies, our political world and some history of our race, the world of our intellect and our imagination, and our need to nourish the spirit. We cannot choose a life for ourselves freely without having just a little more understanding of these possibilities than we have before we enter college."
Convocation Address 2010 by President Nelson, St. John's College Annapolis
Sweet. I've officially begun my college application process. I am not only applying for St. John's. There are other colleges on my mind that I can see myself attending, where I think I would be able to thrive and enjoy the experience. I've surrendered every desire to the Lord, and I will strive to live everyday fully-- whatever I find my hand to do I will do with all my might-- regardless of where I go.
I have also paid for and begun getting ready to attend Community College, beginning next month. The testing, application, and orientation process has been quite an adventure and there is evidence of God's guiding hand and ineffable peace throughout, which is incredibly encouraging to me. Going to school has been the desire of my heart for several years, but the timing hasn't been quite right until now. I feel like He really does want to satisfy the desires of my heart.
Sigh.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
To my extended Annapolis family:
I'm really excited to see Stefan tomorrow morning. He will be spending a week here then we are off to Oklahoma to visit mom next week. Super duper!
The rest of my extended family is starting their first semester of the year this Thursday, and my spirit is there with them all. Acacia, Aimee, Donald, Valerie, Catherine, Christina, Vincent, Prentice, Barone and the SJC fellowship.
Thinking of you Betsy, Chad and Laurel, Nick and Molly, the Leights and the rest of the church. Also Daniel at boot camp in Georgia. You are all on my heart and in my prayers.
Wishing many blessings and adventures upon you all this year.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:11-12
The rest of my extended family is starting their first semester of the year this Thursday, and my spirit is there with them all. Acacia, Aimee, Donald, Valerie, Catherine, Christina, Vincent, Prentice, Barone and the SJC fellowship.
Thinking of you Betsy, Chad and Laurel, Nick and Molly, the Leights and the rest of the church. Also Daniel at boot camp in Georgia. You are all on my heart and in my prayers.
Wishing many blessings and adventures upon you all this year.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:11-12
Monday, August 23, 2010
evolving
Hearts evolve.
Change is good. There is something really beautiful about change. I think the most precious times in my life are the times I've spent in reflection of how I've changed, and how people change. I look back and see who I was and don't like it. Then I see how I am and I smile and realize that only by the grace of God I am who I am. The funny thing is that years from now I will look back and appreciate the changes again and again. I hope to never stop changing.
All good change is facilitated by God. I think that's why it is so beautiful.
I've been in the midst of an evolution. It's been rocky. Sometimes I feel like I'm wandering or I've met a dead end. Sometimes I feel dry or unable to pray. This is how I know I am in a transition period. I know that when I feel in need of God then I am going through the fire and being molded by a gentle hand.
THINGS I AM CONTINUALLY LEARNING.
1. I'm learning not to strive, stretch or strain spiritually, namely to stop trying to control and just Be. Be true to myself. Be true to how I am created.
2. I'm learning to stop asking to KNOW his will, but as his child identifying with him, and BEING his will.
3. I'm learning to trust in the foundations God has set inside of me. Something I've realized about myself is this: I tend to remember always how I feel about a situation and act upon intuition, rather than reasoning. In most situations I don't like to sit and deliberate, knowing my intuition is God-given. When God tells me something, I will not doubt. I will not say "Did he really speak here?" The slightest hint of his word or guidance is the cue to throw all things upon him. (To this day, my intuition has not failed me, the Lord has not failed me.)
"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."– Steve Jobs
4. "This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."
1 Corinthians 2:13-14
My whole life and desires are set on this foundation of something that to the non-spiritual is completely foolish. When I begin to deliberate and use worldly reasoning, of course things will seem foolish. My faith requires that I reach beyond what is possible and trust in God to do the things that only he can do. I believe this encompasses the definition of faith.
5. I'm learning not to worry. With every blessing comes new responsibilities-- and it seems-- with new worries. But God does not want us to worry. I can say "OH, I have so much to worry about!" No I don't. God deliberately places burdens on us because he knows we will have to trust in him to bear alongside us. He knows we will have to seek him and draw closer to him. He doesn't want us to worry.
I feel like this blog has evolved and is evolving. I'm beginning to use it as an outlet for these thoughts and ideas that burn inside me. I am becoming confident in my voice, and beginning to understand that everyone in this world has something for someone. If I can touch just one heart, perhaps I can change the world. This blog isn't for everyone to read, just those that are seeking something. Perhaps in my words they will find what they are looking for.
I can't guarantee anything, but I know that God is clever and knows the motives of men's hearts and works in us all to will and act according to his good purpose.
So I've resolved to let loose, and not withhold these things that burn so hot inside me. I will let them speak for themselves. If you are reading this, you are interested and I thank you.
For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 1 Corinthians 2:2-5
I write for His Glory alone.
My objective is a complete intimacy with my Lord Jesus.
"When once we get intimate with Jesus we can pour out all the time without being pathetic. The Saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having his unhindered way, because the last abyss of his nature has been satisfied by Jesus. The only impression left by such a life is that of the strong, calm sanity that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him." ~Chambers
I am assured that all things will flow from this.
Change is good. There is something really beautiful about change. I think the most precious times in my life are the times I've spent in reflection of how I've changed, and how people change. I look back and see who I was and don't like it. Then I see how I am and I smile and realize that only by the grace of God I am who I am. The funny thing is that years from now I will look back and appreciate the changes again and again. I hope to never stop changing.
All good change is facilitated by God. I think that's why it is so beautiful.
I've been in the midst of an evolution. It's been rocky. Sometimes I feel like I'm wandering or I've met a dead end. Sometimes I feel dry or unable to pray. This is how I know I am in a transition period. I know that when I feel in need of God then I am going through the fire and being molded by a gentle hand.
THINGS I AM CONTINUALLY LEARNING.
1. I'm learning not to strive, stretch or strain spiritually, namely to stop trying to control and just Be. Be true to myself. Be true to how I am created.
2. I'm learning to stop asking to KNOW his will, but as his child identifying with him, and BEING his will.
3. I'm learning to trust in the foundations God has set inside of me. Something I've realized about myself is this: I tend to remember always how I feel about a situation and act upon intuition, rather than reasoning. In most situations I don't like to sit and deliberate, knowing my intuition is God-given. When God tells me something, I will not doubt. I will not say "Did he really speak here?" The slightest hint of his word or guidance is the cue to throw all things upon him. (To this day, my intuition has not failed me, the Lord has not failed me.)
"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."– Steve Jobs
4. "This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."
1 Corinthians 2:13-14
My whole life and desires are set on this foundation of something that to the non-spiritual is completely foolish. When I begin to deliberate and use worldly reasoning, of course things will seem foolish. My faith requires that I reach beyond what is possible and trust in God to do the things that only he can do. I believe this encompasses the definition of faith.
5. I'm learning not to worry. With every blessing comes new responsibilities-- and it seems-- with new worries. But God does not want us to worry. I can say "OH, I have so much to worry about!" No I don't. God deliberately places burdens on us because he knows we will have to trust in him to bear alongside us. He knows we will have to seek him and draw closer to him. He doesn't want us to worry.
I feel like this blog has evolved and is evolving. I'm beginning to use it as an outlet for these thoughts and ideas that burn inside me. I am becoming confident in my voice, and beginning to understand that everyone in this world has something for someone. If I can touch just one heart, perhaps I can change the world. This blog isn't for everyone to read, just those that are seeking something. Perhaps in my words they will find what they are looking for.
I can't guarantee anything, but I know that God is clever and knows the motives of men's hearts and works in us all to will and act according to his good purpose.
So I've resolved to let loose, and not withhold these things that burn so hot inside me. I will let them speak for themselves. If you are reading this, you are interested and I thank you.
For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 1 Corinthians 2:2-5
I write for His Glory alone.
My objective is a complete intimacy with my Lord Jesus.
"When once we get intimate with Jesus we can pour out all the time without being pathetic. The Saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having his unhindered way, because the last abyss of his nature has been satisfied by Jesus. The only impression left by such a life is that of the strong, calm sanity that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him." ~Chambers
I am assured that all things will flow from this.
Friday, August 20, 2010
ice blocking wednesday night
$2 ice block + ragged towel + steep hill at golf course + rowdy boys and badass girls = yeeeeaaaaaahhh
I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my entire life.
Although, I feel like I got mugged. I have whiplash and am really beat and bruised ALL OVER, couldn't sit down yesterday.
Needless to say... it was worth it!
I would do it again.
I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my entire life.
Although, I feel like I got mugged. I have whiplash and am really beat and bruised ALL OVER, couldn't sit down yesterday.
Needless to say... it was worth it!
I would do it again.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
For when I am weak, then I am strong!
...but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong.
This is 2 Corinthians 12:5-10, but I didn't put it in quotes because it was my exact prayer a little less than 48 hours ago. I opened my bible up today... and there it was. I was surprised to see that Paul went through the exact same dilemma as I am faced with in this season of my life.
In my journey, I have recently come out of a time of poverty(and surely I am still poor). It was the time I felt the greatest uncertainty, knowing only that I lacked the faith to carry on in the manner I was going. It was a time of weeping and drawing nearer to the Lord. And, surely it was the time I felt closest and most reliant upon him, throwing off all my concerns for my life, future, and relationships.
There has been a thorn. In Paul's case it could have been several ailments. For me it is my pride. I have been plagued by this spirit since I was very young, along with the sense that somehow I am better than all others because of my privileges and predisposition.
Which is clearly NOT TRUE.
(however, my conscience is clear. I am not my own to judge.)
I have repeatedly recognized this thorn and asked the Lord to make me humble once and for all, but it has taken time. There are many battles going on.
Needless to say, this recent experience of being spiritually poverty-stricken, has revealed to me much of the nature of humility and surrender. In themselves truly beautiful things, and with respect to the Lord, extravagant and amazing, allowing for him to be glorified in inexplicable ways.
I speak truth when boasting about the things the Lord has accomplished through me, but I recognize that I am easily conceited, and this thorn has been painful and shown me of how poor I really am. But up until now it hasn't really occurred to me to boast in my weakness.
That is what is truly epiphanous about this verse to me.
wow.
I don't think the Lord chose me (or you) because we are strong, or able. I think he chose us all because of our weakness, and the potential for him to be glorified in our poor spirits.
HOW GLORIOUS!
That's all I have to say.
~~~~
Oh yes, I have come out of the night of weeping. His mercies were renewed in the morning, in that I receive confirmation of what He wants for my life. I believe new adventures have begun and it involves renewal of hearts and spirits. Praise Him! Perhaps I will speak in specifics soon enough.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong.
This is 2 Corinthians 12:5-10, but I didn't put it in quotes because it was my exact prayer a little less than 48 hours ago. I opened my bible up today... and there it was. I was surprised to see that Paul went through the exact same dilemma as I am faced with in this season of my life.
In my journey, I have recently come out of a time of poverty(and surely I am still poor). It was the time I felt the greatest uncertainty, knowing only that I lacked the faith to carry on in the manner I was going. It was a time of weeping and drawing nearer to the Lord. And, surely it was the time I felt closest and most reliant upon him, throwing off all my concerns for my life, future, and relationships.
There has been a thorn. In Paul's case it could have been several ailments. For me it is my pride. I have been plagued by this spirit since I was very young, along with the sense that somehow I am better than all others because of my privileges and predisposition.
Which is clearly NOT TRUE.
(however, my conscience is clear. I am not my own to judge.)
I have repeatedly recognized this thorn and asked the Lord to make me humble once and for all, but it has taken time. There are many battles going on.
Needless to say, this recent experience of being spiritually poverty-stricken, has revealed to me much of the nature of humility and surrender. In themselves truly beautiful things, and with respect to the Lord, extravagant and amazing, allowing for him to be glorified in inexplicable ways.
I speak truth when boasting about the things the Lord has accomplished through me, but I recognize that I am easily conceited, and this thorn has been painful and shown me of how poor I really am. But up until now it hasn't really occurred to me to boast in my weakness.
That is what is truly epiphanous about this verse to me.
wow.
I don't think the Lord chose me (or you) because we are strong, or able. I think he chose us all because of our weakness, and the potential for him to be glorified in our poor spirits.
HOW GLORIOUS!
That's all I have to say.
~~~~
Oh yes, I have come out of the night of weeping. His mercies were renewed in the morning, in that I receive confirmation of what He wants for my life. I believe new adventures have begun and it involves renewal of hearts and spirits. Praise Him! Perhaps I will speak in specifics soon enough.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
RELINQUISH ALL and God will make you fit for all that he requires of you
Isaac can stand for many things. he represents many gifts of God's grace. Before God gives them our hands are empty. Afterward they are full. Sometimes God reaches out his hand to take ours in fellowship. Then we need an empty hand to put into his. But when we have received his gifts and are nursing them to ourselves, our hands are full and when God puts out his hand we have no empty hand for him. We can dwell on his gifts at the neglect of him. Often we forget that our experience is not for our lifelong use. Our source of life is God, not our experience. We hold onto the experience and forget God is Father. Let go the gift and the experience and hold onto God. Isaac can be done without, but God is eternal.
"Changed into his likeness" by Watchman Nee
Oh how plentiful and great are the gifts of God! How good he is in wanting to lavish blessing upon blessing upon us!
What are the ISAACs in your life?
"Blessed are the paupers in spirit..."
It is not a question of our equipment but of our poverty, not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a question of natural virtues of strength, of character, knowledge, and experience-- all that is of no avail in this matter. The only thing that avails is that we are taken up into the big compelling of God and make His comrades. The comradeship of God is made out of men who know their poverty.
Oswald Chambers
I am coming to realize my poverty with respect to ministering to people. It's a hard thing to realize. I've never really been a "people person," on the contrary I'm quite antisocial, but my desire to love brings me to a place where I am comfortable interacting, and not just interacting, but pouring out and being filled.
The sweetest thing about being social, I think, is connecting with beautiful spirits and admiring them. There is risk in connecting with people, though, because you can see something you don't want to see that may cause you to grieve. And it is in this that I have recognized my poverty.
I find myself often at a loss of words when faced with a good friend's woes. It's really hard, because I know that the Lord never wanted this thing to happen to them, but it has and now his desire is for them to be free from it.
Here I am, lacking, poor, weak, merely human. Unable to really grasp the state of my friend's heart. Unknowing of the words that must be said or gestures that must made. Surrender, at this point, is not only what must be done, it is the only thing that can be done.
I'm beginning to realize that being a friend of God also literally means BEGGING of Him. It goes a long with understanding that only in our weakness, can His power be made perfect. Only when we go before him and BEG him to give us words to speak and make things right, because WE really aren't in control, does He assure us, "Yes, my child, I will be glorified." When we empty ourselves, he can draw near.
I find my heart panicking in the midst of relationships with people because I realize that I really can't love them on my own. One day I boast and praise God for his love, the next day I'm empty and have nothing to give. It is on those low days that I really recognize my poverty, and it is on those days that I weep and lay prostrate. Then I wake up the next morning, unsure of whether my words sunk in to that despairing heart, and there is a blessing, a confirmation, a word of encouragement, a song on my heart, that assures me His will is done.
Make me poor, and God be glorified!
I am now less afraid of how I will look to the world, in fact that matters very little to me. I've resolved to be a foolish child in all things. But I am becoming more and more concerned with how I make him look. Christians are notorious for making God look bad and this needs to stop. Really to the world, I'm just another hypocrite. Someone who stands on their soapbox and says one thing, but has an entirely contradictory way of life. To the world, Christians are self exulting, self-righteous, and over wise, things I am also guilty of.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Jesus acquainted himself with the lowest of the world, the tax collectors, beggars, prostitutes. He called them His friends. And he no longer calls us servants, but friends. In our poverty we become his friends. How much closer can you get with someone than allowing them to live IN you? We are taken up into his compelling, called to be holy, love and serve, feed his sheep and save nothing for the way.
Maybe the world will recognize something, not that we are powerful and prestigious, but maybe they will see something-- the disposition of Christ-- in the poor and humble spirits of the men and women He calls His friends.
God didn't choose me because I have something he can use. He chose me because I have nothing, so he will be glorified.
Oswald Chambers
I am coming to realize my poverty with respect to ministering to people. It's a hard thing to realize. I've never really been a "people person," on the contrary I'm quite antisocial, but my desire to love brings me to a place where I am comfortable interacting, and not just interacting, but pouring out and being filled.
The sweetest thing about being social, I think, is connecting with beautiful spirits and admiring them. There is risk in connecting with people, though, because you can see something you don't want to see that may cause you to grieve. And it is in this that I have recognized my poverty.
I find myself often at a loss of words when faced with a good friend's woes. It's really hard, because I know that the Lord never wanted this thing to happen to them, but it has and now his desire is for them to be free from it.
Here I am, lacking, poor, weak, merely human. Unable to really grasp the state of my friend's heart. Unknowing of the words that must be said or gestures that must made. Surrender, at this point, is not only what must be done, it is the only thing that can be done.
I'm beginning to realize that being a friend of God also literally means BEGGING of Him. It goes a long with understanding that only in our weakness, can His power be made perfect. Only when we go before him and BEG him to give us words to speak and make things right, because WE really aren't in control, does He assure us, "Yes, my child, I will be glorified." When we empty ourselves, he can draw near.
I find my heart panicking in the midst of relationships with people because I realize that I really can't love them on my own. One day I boast and praise God for his love, the next day I'm empty and have nothing to give. It is on those low days that I really recognize my poverty, and it is on those days that I weep and lay prostrate. Then I wake up the next morning, unsure of whether my words sunk in to that despairing heart, and there is a blessing, a confirmation, a word of encouragement, a song on my heart, that assures me His will is done.
Make me poor, and God be glorified!
I am now less afraid of how I will look to the world, in fact that matters very little to me. I've resolved to be a foolish child in all things. But I am becoming more and more concerned with how I make him look. Christians are notorious for making God look bad and this needs to stop. Really to the world, I'm just another hypocrite. Someone who stands on their soapbox and says one thing, but has an entirely contradictory way of life. To the world, Christians are self exulting, self-righteous, and over wise, things I am also guilty of.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Jesus acquainted himself with the lowest of the world, the tax collectors, beggars, prostitutes. He called them His friends. And he no longer calls us servants, but friends. In our poverty we become his friends. How much closer can you get with someone than allowing them to live IN you? We are taken up into his compelling, called to be holy, love and serve, feed his sheep and save nothing for the way.
Maybe the world will recognize something, not that we are powerful and prestigious, but maybe they will see something-- the disposition of Christ-- in the poor and humble spirits of the men and women He calls His friends.
God didn't choose me because I have something he can use. He chose me because I have nothing, so he will be glorified.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Your love is a song
Guess what guys!? I've discovered Christian rock music!
Other favorites include Jars of Clay, Newsboys, Kutless, Leeland-- and Casting Crowns are classic-- oooh not to mention the O.C. Supertones, (Get a little Ska up in there, whoop whoop!) among others.
I'm dreaming about going to Soulfest next year.
Best lifts 8-14-10
Bad Mother Championships.
BW 56kg
Junior Division
Sorry it's sideways.
Every time I watch this I get heavily distracted by the kid cooling his friend off in the back. Hehe.
Good meet. I finished with PRs in the Snatch and Total (126!) and finally achieved one of my long time goals of snatching over bodyweight in competition. Sweeeet.
Also, I'm stoked about the socks.... a birthday present from Bethany. Thanks sista!
BW 56kg
Junior Division
Sorry it's sideways.
Every time I watch this I get heavily distracted by the kid cooling his friend off in the back. Hehe.
Good meet. I finished with PRs in the Snatch and Total (126!) and finally achieved one of my long time goals of snatching over bodyweight in competition. Sweeeet.
Also, I'm stoked about the socks.... a birthday present from Bethany. Thanks sista!
Friday, August 13, 2010
a few small delights
open your eyes to simple pleasures
open your heart to every little thing
and you will see a greater beauty
from which all good things spring
Sunday, August 08, 2010
meat meat meat and orange frosted cupcakes
thank you chet for the awesome JCCF photo shoot:
"let's have a party! i think we'll have a party now! we'll throw our heads back and yell 'PARTY'! we'll throw our hands up and yell 'PARTY PARTY PARTY!'" ~Prof. Hess, American Astronaut.
the zeiger bros. they're climbing mt. rainier in a couple weeks. i enjoyed our conversation about mountains.
natalie clark. :)
trey trey's shark tattoo.
lotsa cha-chillin'
"firefighter tobin" and cody with their super serious faces, moments before exploding due to the effort exerted in being serious.
oh how glorious people are! i am blessed with an abundance of friends. their presence is teaching me to laugh and be childlike in the midst of all things. their souls are truly beautiful. i appreciate many things about each one of them individually. cody, natalya, tobin, shawna, noah, natalie, alisha, amara, and every one of my clients. i have much to learn about beauty. the conversations and quality time spent with them stay with me long after i leave their presence.
yesterday i had my party.
the workout was "roving grace."
clean and jerk, then roll the barbell out till you are lying on your stomach, then roll back. repeat. 30 times.
unfortunately i could only watch because i'm competing in a lifting meet next weekend. (it wasn't entirely sadistic because i did my workout, 30 bodyweight c&js, on monday, my actual birthday.)
i think chet took some good pictures of the workout. there was meat and cupcakes and other less important delectables. later chet took our jet city crossfit trainer pictures as seen above. they turned out really well.
natalya and cody took me to the pesters for a little get together they planned for me. it was super sweet. lots of chilling and laughing at the kids. i received a surprise birthday call from greg amundson! yes... THE greg amundson. he was just in annapolis and saw nicole carroll and was pleasantly surprised to learn that nearly all my family lives over there. apparently cody, who is super tight with him at his job down in san diego, gave him my phone number to surprise me at my birthday party. thanks cody, it was definitely a highlight. i hope to see him in october, as he will be up here to run a "goal setting and positive talk" seminar at CFA. super.
after the party we headed over the the fire station for tobin's graduation ceremony where i proceeded to eat my third BBQ of the day.
people are beautiful, i told alisha at church today, but exhausting. i'm glad to have time alone to refuel and decompress. i was called a "social butterfly" (with positive connotations, of course) for the first time in my life last week. the realization hit me like a wooden mallet in my spleen. woah. i've been growing inside my cacoon in the last months. finally i've come into a new world, but i'm still finding my wings. i wonder where the winds will take me in this season.
"let's have a party! i think we'll have a party now! we'll throw our heads back and yell 'PARTY'! we'll throw our hands up and yell 'PARTY PARTY PARTY!'" ~Prof. Hess, American Astronaut.
natalya with her meat and cupcake.
the zeiger bros. they're climbing mt. rainier in a couple weeks. i enjoyed our conversation about mountains.
party at the pesters. natalie brought me flowers!
kenadie sue.
cody and treyton. (btw. it's shark week.)
"cody go to sleep. go sleep!"
natalie clark. :)
trey trey's shark tattoo.
lotsa cha-chillin'
beautiful natalya.
brian hill and his arm with the screw.
the wonderful shawna pester. i love her.
natalie, trey trey, cody, and kenadie sue.
don and spencer.
tobin's graduation from fire school.
tobin before.
"firefighter tobin." woohoo! proud of you, sir.
chief trey trey
"firefighter tobin" and cody with their super serious faces, moments before exploding due to the effort exerted in being serious.
oh how glorious people are! i am blessed with an abundance of friends. their presence is teaching me to laugh and be childlike in the midst of all things. their souls are truly beautiful. i appreciate many things about each one of them individually. cody, natalya, tobin, shawna, noah, natalie, alisha, amara, and every one of my clients. i have much to learn about beauty. the conversations and quality time spent with them stay with me long after i leave their presence.
yesterday i had my party.
the workout was "roving grace."
clean and jerk, then roll the barbell out till you are lying on your stomach, then roll back. repeat. 30 times.
unfortunately i could only watch because i'm competing in a lifting meet next weekend. (it wasn't entirely sadistic because i did my workout, 30 bodyweight c&js, on monday, my actual birthday.)
i think chet took some good pictures of the workout. there was meat and cupcakes and other less important delectables. later chet took our jet city crossfit trainer pictures as seen above. they turned out really well.
natalya and cody took me to the pesters for a little get together they planned for me. it was super sweet. lots of chilling and laughing at the kids. i received a surprise birthday call from greg amundson! yes... THE greg amundson. he was just in annapolis and saw nicole carroll and was pleasantly surprised to learn that nearly all my family lives over there. apparently cody, who is super tight with him at his job down in san diego, gave him my phone number to surprise me at my birthday party. thanks cody, it was definitely a highlight. i hope to see him in october, as he will be up here to run a "goal setting and positive talk" seminar at CFA. super.
after the party we headed over the the fire station for tobin's graduation ceremony where i proceeded to eat my third BBQ of the day.
people are beautiful, i told alisha at church today, but exhausting. i'm glad to have time alone to refuel and decompress. i was called a "social butterfly" (with positive connotations, of course) for the first time in my life last week. the realization hit me like a wooden mallet in my spleen. woah. i've been growing inside my cacoon in the last months. finally i've come into a new world, but i'm still finding my wings. i wonder where the winds will take me in this season.
Friday, August 06, 2010
social things.
CrossFit Games viewing party at the gym. I really like this picture.
Goodbye get-together/celebration (one of many) for Jay and Mel moving to Italy.
(Ryan saying something about there being an inordinate number of photos of him holding a beer and Gus. There's one more.)
The Calkins family. Gus is just chillin'.
Trip to Index on August 1st
Colin Haley.
This 10ish year old kid was really getting after it.
Papa belaying Kurt.
This 50-some year young dude was pretty bad ass.
My birthday balloon from my friend Kelly. She also got me a moleskin journal and lavender oil without even knowing that I journal non-stop and my favorite scent is lavender. She's that kind of person. :D
Caden's birthday balloon.
Several other social things will be going on this weekend. I'm throwing a party for my birthday at the gym with friends from CrossFit, church, and maybe even gymnastics. Cody's bringing dodgeballs.
Goodbye get-together/celebration (one of many) for Jay and Mel moving to Italy.
(Ryan saying something about there being an inordinate number of photos of him holding a beer and Gus. There's one more.)
The Calkins family. Gus is just chillin'.
Trip to Index on August 1st
Colin Haley.
This 10ish year old kid was really getting after it.
Papa belaying Kurt.
This 50-some year young dude was pretty bad ass.
My birthday balloon from my friend Kelly. She also got me a moleskin journal and lavender oil without even knowing that I journal non-stop and my favorite scent is lavender. She's that kind of person. :D
Caden's birthday balloon.
Several other social things will be going on this weekend. I'm throwing a party for my birthday at the gym with friends from CrossFit, church, and maybe even gymnastics. Cody's bringing dodgeballs.
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