...but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong.
This is 2 Corinthians 12:5-10, but I didn't put it in quotes because it was my exact prayer a little less than 48 hours ago. I opened my bible up today... and there it was. I was surprised to see that Paul went through the exact same dilemma as I am faced with in this season of my life.
In my journey, I have recently come out of a time of poverty(and surely I am still poor). It was the time I felt the greatest uncertainty, knowing only that I lacked the faith to carry on in the manner I was going. It was a time of weeping and drawing nearer to the Lord. And, surely it was the time I felt closest and most reliant upon him, throwing off all my concerns for my life, future, and relationships.
There has been a thorn. In Paul's case it could have been several ailments. For me it is my pride. I have been plagued by this spirit since I was very young, along with the sense that somehow I am better than all others because of my privileges and predisposition.
Which is clearly NOT TRUE.
(however, my conscience is clear. I am not my own to judge.)
I have repeatedly recognized this thorn and asked the Lord to make me humble once and for all, but it has taken time. There are many battles going on.
Needless to say, this recent experience of being spiritually poverty-stricken, has revealed to me much of the nature of humility and surrender. In themselves truly beautiful things, and with respect to the Lord, extravagant and amazing, allowing for him to be glorified in inexplicable ways.
I speak truth when boasting about the things the Lord has accomplished through me, but I recognize that I am easily conceited, and this thorn has been painful and shown me of how poor I really am. But up until now it hasn't really occurred to me to boast in my weakness.
That is what is truly epiphanous about this verse to me.
wow.
I don't think the Lord chose me (or you) because we are strong, or able. I think he chose us all because of our weakness, and the potential for him to be glorified in our poor spirits.
HOW GLORIOUS!
That's all I have to say.
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Oh yes, I have come out of the night of weeping. His mercies were renewed in the morning, in that I receive confirmation of what He wants for my life. I believe new adventures have begun and it involves renewal of hearts and spirits. Praise Him! Perhaps I will speak in specifics soon enough.
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