an attempt

"The best things are nearest.... Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things of life.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

routine. i don't always like it. i just get in the mode and go go go forgetting to enjoy the daily things. we humans are such creatures of habit, and i've been inclined to rebel. i love change, excitement and extraordinary things. i'm sure most people can relate to the fact that often times routine sucks.

i called aimee today. she was getting ready to go to seminar and telling me about the reading she's had to do for it. parmenides, I believe. This guy's trying to argue that as much as we think that we may exist, we do not. She told me about all her thoughts on the topics they were discussing in seminar including whether or not the non-existence of the "idea" would make conversation impossible. yeah, sounds like nonsense to a non-johnny, i know, but honestly i'm enamored by this stuff. somethings sounds "cool" about being able to talk about things that no one else can understand. like code. we did it all the time as kids, and it made us feel important. that may be the underlying reason i'm in love with st. john's.

i told aimee that i was jealous of her. she asked why. i said "you're there and i'm not." something in me just wants to rush this whole life thing and get to the exciting part. college. sigh.

in her amazing italian accent she told me "you are there and i am here. you are having a life experience that will prepare you for what you will go through in your future. you need that." it honestly didn't sound so deep when she said it in her accent, but i don't know how to type an italian accent. but whatever the accent, it was still deep. and it encouraged me.

so yeah, routine...
remember everything that i said a few weeks ago about enjoying every moment? it's easy when i'm away from home, but it's a challenge when things are ordinary. so i tell myself: chin up and put that smile on your face like it's supposed to be.

and about being in love with st john's.
yeah, i won't lie. i started writing the essay for my application. the prompts are simple and easy to answer, so it's all fun. unfortunately papa sent all the birth registration records to the wrong address, so it seems this ID thing is going to be delayed a little longer.

acacia said "essay" literally means "an attempt." to make an attempt at something can be thought of in two ways. 1) to seek or make an effort at and 2) to attack. i feel like the first sounds passive. one who just makes an effort doesn't really care about what the outcome will be an they will be ground down by the obstacles in the process. where an attack implies plowing through impassively and grinding the obstacles as they come. i choose how i make my attempt.

other things i am attempting in my life.
a social life. yes!!! i do have one now.
i contacted the friends of the saleckers' and it was very fruitful. i'm now going to a small church in columbia city, just east of georgetown. i am extremely thankful to everyone who has been praying for me to find good fellowship here in seattle. it has been a challenge, but it seemed that as soon as i got home from annapolis i'd notice churches lining the streets as i drove the city. every other building seemed to be a church. i got notes put on my doorstep about this or that church in federal way or north seattle. it was weird. i was very nervous to call the isaacs, but i did eventually. talking on the phone makes me very nervous, even when talking to my own family sometimes. so you can probably imagine how i was sweating and shaking as mrs. isaac answered the phone. it turns out she is one of the sweetest ladies i have every spoken to. she gave me her daughters' numbers and prayed for me, thanking god that he gave me courage to call someone that i didn't even know(wow), and then said, "i'd give you a hug but you're not here with me, so i'll just hug one of my own 16-year-olds." that literally brought tears to my eyes.
i have hangout night at amara and brielle's house every sunday. we chat and make dinner and watch movies. we pretty much have a blast. they are wonderful people and i look forward to spending more time with them.

i've realized i've been so much more motivated to learn new things now that i've resigned from gymnastics. it has been four and a half months... can you believe it? it was such a great decision. i feel so free and ready for the world. there're so many more options for college (namely st. john's). overall i feel the most relaxed and excited about life as i have been in 10 years. i know that i will feel the effects of my gymnastics career, both physically and emotionally, all throughout my life. i've already realized how strange my mindset was toward working through pain and training in general. it's been a challenge to work through the anger i've built up about it. the world of elite gymnastics is strange and i'm glad i retired before worse things happened. i loved the sport so much and sometimes i wonder why. i'm glad to hear that my old teammates are working well through the challenges.

so here i come, life. i really do want to enjoy you. i will live in the ordinary times and know that they are preparing me for some greater things. i have this feeling, though, the great things i look forward to will become ordinary in their time.

life is so strange.

thoughts in motion.

in researching colleges and planning for my future, i am forced to examine myself and my desires. the main things that drives me on is my desire to learn how to learn, how to speak, how to write, how to examine the world, how to ask the right questions. i've been asked what my aspirations for my future are to which i replied: to learn about the world and then find out what it's like for myself. i want to be prepared to learn. i feel that if i am knowledgeable of the greatest and most elementary ideas i can build upon them and go anywhere in my life. I want to be stretched and challenged and most importantly involved in my own education.

Dariotis Memorial 2010

here is video of my best lifts at the meet on saturday:



Snatch 51kg



Clean and Jerk 64kg PR!!


i totaled 115 and won 2nd place junior for 58kg class!

favorite t-shirt.... ever

i have a meet this weekend. beast mode is officially on.

it's only been a week, the rush of being home in rapid fading.

the last week in annapolis was incredible. i had the great privilege to spend time with daniel for the last few days. he took us all out to dinner a couple times and we discussed our love languages and he told us about his amazing travels around to world to do the Lord's work. I was really blessed by his presence and will miss him terribly. two nights before i left, daniel took us (chad laurel acacia aimee me stefan and daniel's friend rayanne) to dc to see the monuments by moonlight. it was surreal. the city was deserted. we were all bundled up in the below freezing temperatures. we stood in the lincoln memorial, joined hands and prayed for the city and country.

the night before i left we all met for fellowship at the kaisers, where laurel and chad were house sitting. the prayers and hymns we sang that night really helped loose my anxieties about my trip home (the flight was 10 hours) and getting back into my routine once i arrived. i had had this impending fear that all the joys and refreshment i recieved from the visit would just fade away. i learned so much about myself and interacting with people and the my need for fellowship that i wanted to take it all home and carry on with my life in a new way. that night reminded me that god's grace and love are unconditional and will follow me wherever i go.

the flight turned out to be almost enjoyable. i actually slept for a large portion of it, so it seemed to go by fast. bethany picked me up from the airport and took me home where i got ready to go to the gym. initially i hadn't planned on working out, but i said to heck with it and just went really easy. it felt good after sitting for ten hours, but i also felt slow and tired. that night we went to dinner at beth and suki's. aimee's in town till wednesday and suki wanted to do something special for her when she had the chance. suki made amazing korean ribs, different varieties of kimchi and stir fry and rice etc. it was a good dinner. i made a proposal for the evening that we try not to talk about crossfit for the whole night. everyone laughed at first admitting that would be impossible. i said i had some good conversation topics that i picked up from daniel during my last few days in annapolis. the "c word" was only mentioned a couple times after that.

most of the evening was spent discussing our personality types based on the myers-briggs personality indicator test. i had opened the conversation with the question "are you introverted or extraverted?" introverts and extraverts are distinguished by 1) how they process information and 2) how they refuel. the common misconception is that the terms are synonymous with anti-social and outgoing respectively. introverts process information inwardly and may take time to put their thoughts in order before expressing them. extraverts tend to proccess information verbally. introverts often need to be alone to re-energize and refuel, while extraverts can "sleep in a room full of people" (-daniel).

the myers-briggs personality test was brought up and we ended up passing around brianna and bethany's iphones to take the test.

i thought my result was really interesting so i decided to let you all see:

I am:

"INFJ
78% introverted, 38% intuitive, 38% feeling, 33% judging

in other words:

• very expressed introvert
  
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
  
• moderately expressed feeling personality
  
• moderately expressed judging personality

Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena."

i think that explains my personality very accurately.

i've actually only been home four days, and they have been restful days. i had no obligations at the gym for the new year, so that was nice not having to go to work right away. i went with papa to oksana's to celebrate the new year. we had a nice party with the same people who hosted us at thanksgiving. john played some songs and sang with his guitar, we danced a little and snacked till after midnight. at midnight we went outside and shot roman candles into the frigid air. the night was topped off with some drunken talk of politics.

you can take the myers-briggs test here if you would like.