I am struck with a conviction. It challenges me to rest in the life that is given me. I have never had this problem to this degree, where I look on the other side of the fence and think that the grass is greener. I realize it's not much better over there, that the grass is green on both sides, and beauty and joy found in all things.
I am put in check by these words of Ruskin, about the BEAUTY OF REPOSE:
"As opposed to passion, changefulness, or laborious exertion, repose is the especial and separating characteristic of the eternal mind and power; it is the "I AM" of the Creator opposed to the "I become" of all creatures; it is the sign alike of the supreme knowledge which is incapable of surprise, the supreme power which is incapable of labor, the supreme volition which is incapable of change; it is the stillness of the beams of the eternal chambers laid upon the variable waters of ministering creatures..."
The Lord has stilled my hunger for fellowship in many ways in the last weeks, including allowing Aimee and Don to be here. Although we have not spent as much time together as I would have liked, they seem to to have brought a goodness and hope with them that I feed off. It can be attributed to the amounts they speak of Annapolis and school. But they are happy to be away... I see how much Aimee loves her city, Seattle in all its majesty. She is giddy as she shows Donald around her home. I realize that there is so much more of my home to see, which is the blunt of my conviction.
With the combination of ceasing to strive for fellowship, seeing Aimee's love for home, and the impending prospect of leaving in 8 months, I have resolved to live... to the fullest extent. This is not the first time I've made this resolution, and have been generally successful in carrying it out; I love my life, and can complain about nothing. I don't believe in "new year resolutions" because it seems to confine making resolutions to just the beginning of the year. Instead I see the value in day to day resolutions, or even better: moment to moment.
This is just the first time that I can make this resolution with REPOSE in mind, finding freedom in allowing the GREAT I AM to rest over me. I also realize that the first step in making plans is accepting where you are, or to put a different way: Embracing NOW, in order to enjoy LATER.
I rarely speak of what I am going to do beyond the day to day plans because I understand that the Lord's ways are spontaneous. I trust in His promises and put my hope in Him, knowing that I cannot possibly imagine the ways He wishes to satisfy me. In the last year, He has promised me great things for my life, which is a great reason to be excited. But it is my job to rest and trust in Him and not strive, stretch, or strain for their fulfillment. I rest in this truth:
God is not human, that he should lie, not a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Number 23:19
The picture above was taken on a little adventure to Snoqualmie Pass last weekend with Papa. I love that light on the snow. I'll be making some other expeditions of that nature in the next months, I hope. Frank has offered to teach me to snowboard. We'll make it happen.
Embrace it, Kallista. Seattle has culture, activity, music, people, and the buzz buzz buzz of city life whose likeness cannot be found elsewhere. There will be no other time or opportunity like the coming months and days when your heart is prepared only for the now. God has given you the ability to appreciate. There is nothing like this moment.
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