A question of identity

I'm reading this book called "Why are all the Black Kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?" by Beverly Daniel Tatum, which discusses racial identity. The part that really hit home for me was when Tatum talks about the time of adolescence, when kids begin to ask the questions Who am I? Who will I be for the rest of my life? What is my personality? They explore their world in a different way. They look around them for people they connect with and relate to. It is the time of greatest growth and development. I find myself asking myself these questions so often these days. Who am I and who am I becoming? I've heard a lot that you are shaped by your circumstances. You are shaped by your family, your social and economic predisposition. You are shaped by your experiences. I look back to how I've grown up, how my sisters have grown up. I analyze my personality type and wonder how it fits into the world. Where am I headed in this life? This life, seemingly meaningless (for all things pass away), is here for a purpose. It must be. Why else would the universe exist? In growing up I find myself identifying with certain people more than others. Still I know I'm not of the world and feel most of all that I am identifying with the one who is orchestrating the circumstances, bringing me through these experiences, giving me wonderful people in my life. I find myself searching my past for the evidence of his influence, wondering. Wondering where this is all going. I come to the realization of what it means to be dead in myself, counting everything I hold dear as loss, and coming to be identified with the one who created me. I begin to understand what Galations 2:20 really means. "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Our hopes are one. Our thoughts are one. Our dreams are one. My lips are his. My hands are his. My feet are his.

I feel driven, knowing my hopes are his hopes. But not driven in the rushing frantic way that often overwhelms me. It's quiet. Waiting. I am assured that this moment is all I have. It is the present, a gift, and is to be lived to the fullest.

I'm sure I will be writing more of this in the future.