How much do you want it?

Some things have been on my mind that have been slowly changing the way that I look at my life and gymnastics.

We moved to Seattle exactly a year ago and I've been looking back at my progress. It's funny how life changes as you grow up. My mindset has been transformed since we moved and life hasn't been the same since. I went through this whole tortuous process of mental and emotional growth this last year.

The thing that has been hitting me hard lately is the fact that the only reason I'm here is my desire to live up to the standards placed before me. Lately I've been asking myself, "How much to you want it, Kallista." I'm usually facing an apparatus at practice. I answer back, "BAD." It makes a huge difference to have drive to accomplish things and it's funny how I'm only just realizing what it means. My coaches work in such a way that they look at my gymnastics and they can see how bad I want it. Then by judging my level of drive they equal it in their effort to help me. If they see I want it, they want it just as bad.

I didn't know what desire was when I came to my gym, I've been through a really long process to acquire this mindset. I've been told what it means many times, but being told only a fraction of the process. I had to see it in others and experience it for myself. At my old gym I was coached whether I wanted to be good or not. Here I'm coached because I want to be good.

Everything revolves around your desire to get things done. Everyday there are obstacles for you to overcome. The first one for me is getting out of bed. Then I have to do what I have do to get done what I want to get done. But I got to want to get it done, or I'm not getting anywhere. During the competition season last year one of my obstacles was learning my vault. I needed at least a Yurchenko, tucked. I had never really liked vault because it wasn't my best event, but I still went out there and did the drills. Something inside of me didn't really care whether I got it or not, so as the meets rolled on, I did three events and then the next meet I did three events, and then I did three events. It didn't really clicked until the meet before state that OH! maybe I should get my vault, because I have to qualify. UH OH. Then finally I decided that I wanted to get my vault. Guennadi is a great coach and he was perfectly capable of just encouraging me and urging me on, but no, he pretty much just ignored me and I completely understand why. I give him all the credit he deserves for just standing back and letting me figure out what was wrong with me.

I haven't fully applied this until just recently. The last part of the process of acquiring this mindset was the CrossFit Games and all of the training leading up to it. I was in the livingroom three mornings out of the week, without a coach, pushing my body to its highest limits. I was usually doing lifting, which is very technical, and I often finished my workout in tears because I was frustrated and always wondering if my technique was perfect, often scared that it wasn't and always wanting some feedback and constructive critisicm. I still went in there and did the workouts because I wanted to win the CrossFit Games. When the Games rolled around, I was hoping and praying that my training would pay off. It did. But only because I wanted to do well so bad. The major obstacle at the Games was mental and after working out in my livingroom the setting was ideal for my confidence. I feel that I gave the performance of my life. And only because I wanted it bad.

I've been watching the Olympics, more specifically Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin, and you can see in these gymnasts that they have worked long and hard to achieve what they have achieved. Next to the Chinese they have completely dominated the field. You can see it in their eyes that it wasn't easy to get there. First of all, they love what they do and second you know that they have overcome obstacles such as injuries and high pressure competition and training. When they noticed an obstacle they didn't turn the other way or go around it. They kept their eye on the goal and kept moving forward, no matter how hard it was. We human beings often try to go the easiest way possible, avoiding challenge altogether. We ask ourselves, "is it worth the effort?" It depends, how much do you want it?