Now, eternally

If you know me well then you know I'm a dreamer. I like to think of the future, and of who and what we will all become. As individuals, towns and communities, and the Body. I feed off of what I see in the future. And I have a fire burning within me that compels me to shout out the ideal of things in the universe. This IMAGE feeds me, and I know we are but reflections of this. The idea of "act as if" intrigues me. That is, when we act as if things are the way they should be, then eventually it will become so.

Obviously, living for the future is not what we are called to. The Lord, called the Great I AM, is the king of BEING. Being is present tense, and in him is rest and repose. I find this idea, above all, most fascinating and inspiring. It seems to me that living right now is the way to be closest to the eternal One, and to Eternity. I find it fascinating, because Eternity--where there is no time--is best emulated in the moment, where there is no concern for past or present.

The challenge of living is to live in the moment when God has promised to fulfill, and life seems to be slowly but surely tipping over a peak. Through this last trial, then into a new season. All you can think of is the next season, the full one. The struggle is to trust that it will come. Soon or later, but it will come.

It gets even harder when you have the calender to tell you when it will come. Then you're lost in a flurry of anticipation leading up to the day, and you hardly enjoy what is before you. I started a new journal, in which I've resolved to write only of the moment. "Do not be anxious, but in prayer and supplication, with thankfulness..." I learn to ask the Lord to bless the moment. I've already prayed for the future, but how often to I just sit back in my chair and thank God for the rain and cold? I know the sun will come, and I've thanked him a million times for that.

I have started this journal right before I go on my trip, resolving to enjoy every day up to it (by the Grace of God, with his patience), because I find that I enjoy the trip better when I have no regrets. Writing the day out really really helps with this. Yesterday I had a nervous breakdown, and had to sit down to write. Ok, Lord... I listened, and lo and behold, He had much to say about this week before leaving. He knew that the spirits of anxiety and and fear were lingering, ready to attack in my weakness. He said:

"Do not be anxious about anything... but tell me what you want... Doesn't the Father in Heaven know that you need these things?... Doesn't the Father in Heaven also give good gifts to those who ask him?... Do not fear.
"In righteousness you will be established
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
It will not come near you.
If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
...no weapon forged against you will prevail
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
"This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord.
"You are always with me (I love you with an everlasting love).
I hold you by your right hand
I guide you with my counsel
And afterward I take you into glory.
"The Lord your God is with you
He is mighty to save;
He takes great delight in you
And rejoices over you with singing."

So, I find myself looking to the future with hope then wrangling all my thoughts back to the task before me. It has been incredibly rewarding to say "Yes, Lord!" to his promises, then just sit back and "act as if" they are being worked out. How glorious and beautiful to live in such a state!