This is home

Arizona was the place of my infancy. I have only pleasant memories of our houses there. I think this is where I first ate sap, slept in a tree house, and loved pink.

Claremont, CA was the place of my childhood. Going to elementary school, spending long days outside with friends, going to the park, being clumsy at gymnastics, having my first crush, climbing trees, and falling out of them...

In SLO, CA I grew up in many ways. I grew in my imagination, spending hours outside alone. I grew in solitude and learned to listen to my heart. Those were the most memorable homeschooling years, when I learned to love my studies, CrossFit, and gymnastics became serious.

Gymnastics brought us to Seattle. This place is my home more than any of these of others, because I have suffered and grown rapidly in body and spirit. I've become a woman. I have experienced the greatest redemption in my family, which has changed my life and outlook of the world. It is home because I've learned to appreciate the moment, the place, and the circumstances I find myself in.

Obviously, it is home now to me because I live here. But I'm beginning to think that it will remain home to me even when I leave for college. I applied to schools all on the east coast, unconsciously, I keep telling myself. But I must admit now that part of me wants to get away. As far away as possible. I don't think it is that I want away from Seattle, though, but more that I want to be free of the security of home.

I've seen it happen with all my siblings: at a certain point we all yearn to be out of the nest, to try our wings in the wide open sky. The itch to get away causes restlessness, and eventually orneriness. What was once comfortable becomes a source of our annoyances. We can't stand the place anymore, the people bore us, we just want to get up and leave comfort and security for something more unexpected.

I love this PLACE, the RHYTHM of life, the PEOPLE. EVERYTHING. Even the culture is starting to fascinate me, in a strange "I'll just stand back and observe" sort of way. I realize how much great music there is here. I've never seen such a dense concentration of people who long so fervently for "self-expression" and "I'm special-ness." In other words, this place is very liberal. I'm sorta beginning to understand what that means.

So it's not the PLACE that I want to get away from, but more the security. I guess I could say that I'm becoming wander-lust. But I know that even when I leave, I will certainly settle down into a new rhythm, again relying on the security of routine. So I'm still not sure what it is.... I guess I just want to move on.

There is something else about home that I hold closely to my heart, hoping that I will never forget. It is rest. This is home to me because I've learned to do this. I love it because it is predictable, everything has a place and time, and I understand where to find things. I've almost memorized the transit system, the order of streets in the city, and where all the districts are. I can understand what people are talking about when they tell me where they live, instead of nodding and saying "I have no idea." My body and my soul like the rhythm of the everyday things of Seattle. That is something I will miss when I leave.

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.