an attempt

"The best things are nearest.... Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things of life.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

routine. i don't always like it. i just get in the mode and go go go forgetting to enjoy the daily things. we humans are such creatures of habit, and i've been inclined to rebel. i love change, excitement and extraordinary things. i'm sure most people can relate to the fact that often times routine sucks.

i called aimee today. she was getting ready to go to seminar and telling me about the reading she's had to do for it. parmenides, I believe. This guy's trying to argue that as much as we think that we may exist, we do not. She told me about all her thoughts on the topics they were discussing in seminar including whether or not the non-existence of the "idea" would make conversation impossible. yeah, sounds like nonsense to a non-johnny, i know, but honestly i'm enamored by this stuff. somethings sounds "cool" about being able to talk about things that no one else can understand. like code. we did it all the time as kids, and it made us feel important. that may be the underlying reason i'm in love with st. john's.

i told aimee that i was jealous of her. she asked why. i said "you're there and i'm not." something in me just wants to rush this whole life thing and get to the exciting part. college. sigh.

in her amazing italian accent she told me "you are there and i am here. you are having a life experience that will prepare you for what you will go through in your future. you need that." it honestly didn't sound so deep when she said it in her accent, but i don't know how to type an italian accent. but whatever the accent, it was still deep. and it encouraged me.

so yeah, routine...
remember everything that i said a few weeks ago about enjoying every moment? it's easy when i'm away from home, but it's a challenge when things are ordinary. so i tell myself: chin up and put that smile on your face like it's supposed to be.

and about being in love with st john's.
yeah, i won't lie. i started writing the essay for my application. the prompts are simple and easy to answer, so it's all fun. unfortunately papa sent all the birth registration records to the wrong address, so it seems this ID thing is going to be delayed a little longer.

acacia said "essay" literally means "an attempt." to make an attempt at something can be thought of in two ways. 1) to seek or make an effort at and 2) to attack. i feel like the first sounds passive. one who just makes an effort doesn't really care about what the outcome will be an they will be ground down by the obstacles in the process. where an attack implies plowing through impassively and grinding the obstacles as they come. i choose how i make my attempt.

other things i am attempting in my life.
a social life. yes!!! i do have one now.
i contacted the friends of the saleckers' and it was very fruitful. i'm now going to a small church in columbia city, just east of georgetown. i am extremely thankful to everyone who has been praying for me to find good fellowship here in seattle. it has been a challenge, but it seemed that as soon as i got home from annapolis i'd notice churches lining the streets as i drove the city. every other building seemed to be a church. i got notes put on my doorstep about this or that church in federal way or north seattle. it was weird. i was very nervous to call the isaacs, but i did eventually. talking on the phone makes me very nervous, even when talking to my own family sometimes. so you can probably imagine how i was sweating and shaking as mrs. isaac answered the phone. it turns out she is one of the sweetest ladies i have every spoken to. she gave me her daughters' numbers and prayed for me, thanking god that he gave me courage to call someone that i didn't even know(wow), and then said, "i'd give you a hug but you're not here with me, so i'll just hug one of my own 16-year-olds." that literally brought tears to my eyes.
i have hangout night at amara and brielle's house every sunday. we chat and make dinner and watch movies. we pretty much have a blast. they are wonderful people and i look forward to spending more time with them.

i've realized i've been so much more motivated to learn new things now that i've resigned from gymnastics. it has been four and a half months... can you believe it? it was such a great decision. i feel so free and ready for the world. there're so many more options for college (namely st. john's). overall i feel the most relaxed and excited about life as i have been in 10 years. i know that i will feel the effects of my gymnastics career, both physically and emotionally, all throughout my life. i've already realized how strange my mindset was toward working through pain and training in general. it's been a challenge to work through the anger i've built up about it. the world of elite gymnastics is strange and i'm glad i retired before worse things happened. i loved the sport so much and sometimes i wonder why. i'm glad to hear that my old teammates are working well through the challenges.

so here i come, life. i really do want to enjoy you. i will live in the ordinary times and know that they are preparing me for some greater things. i have this feeling, though, the great things i look forward to will become ordinary in their time.

life is so strange.